Who Am I Today?

I've been pondering all the changes I have gone through to get where I am and to be who I am today. Some events could be remembered with fear, frustration or just a bone-chilling shudder. Anger and resentment could be part of all this, but I have been trying very hard to shed those sort of thoughts and concentrate on the lessons I learned from my past.

I honestly, in my heart, have to thank those mean girls at school that took my books and homework in 5th Grade, the person that stole my 1st ever baseball glove, the boy friend in high school that showed me what cheating was all about. A roommate that left me with the rent to pay....etc. Do any of these sound familiar to anyone else?

I could go on about my 1st marriage and divorce, but that is a story for another blog.

What have I done with these experiences? A few I have forgotten-maybe-they are too painful. There are many that I have chosen to accept as a gift of knowledge. That old saying, "Remember and learn from the past (history) or you will be doomed to repeat it."

I could be angry, many have told me I have the right to, but where would I be and what would I be inside?

I used to be shy in school. My report cards would read A's & B's with the added note of: "Wendy is a delight in class, helpful but very shy." Or, "Too quiet, but very sweet." My first year in college I received a "D" in Speech class. I would get so nervous that my voice would just disappear.

It took me many years to discover that I had to care for and love myself first before I could do anything else for anyone else. I learned that if I tried to please everyone, no one was happy. Especially me. I had the help of a kind counselor, some temporary medications and prayer. Guidance from Pastor Moe at my present church and the support of my church family showed me the value of ME.

My four years at Paradise Bakery helped me really emerge from my shell of insecurity that was building around me during my marriage. I believed the things I was being told as reality. I had become the frog in the pot of water. My spirit slowly cooked with falsehoods and diluted into a murkiness of depression. Gradually, with guidance from exceptional mentors I blossomed into a great trainer and exceptional customer service advocate. I take great pleasure in providing a memorable experience for someone-a church member at a potluck, a neighbor at a picnic, a friend in need, a charity or an organization. There are so many opportunities to give to get these days. Give of myself to get a smile.

So, today I am a woman with many talents and experiences that I can draw upon for different situations. I take my hits and misses equally as fodder for building better relationships in the future. Would I do anything different? I do not believe so. For any regrets that I have for any lost opportunities, it would be difficult to imagine where else I would be.

I am here now because of my choices. I am who I am because of my choices. And I am happy with myself.

I am me.